There’s something about believing in yourself that really takes a shit ton of guts. It takes some mastery in self-defense, the ability to turn the other way, and the skill of pressing onward.
It’s been two months since I graduated from college and I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster– I am just bobbing in an ocean, not sure of how to swim, or if there is a shore in sight, just letting small currents take me to the next big wave.
I have taken the time to pat myself on the back for hitting the ground running with freelancing work, spending time with loved-ones, and attempting to better my health and wellness. However, I tend to forget about emotional wellness. I forget that I have to practice self-defense against the harsh, negative, mind-consuming thoughts of judgement, belittlement, and doubt.
I remind myself everyday, that I don’t have to do things because “that’s just how it is”, especially when it comes to the job search. I am fortunate to still be in my parents’ home, therefore allowing me to save money, but it doesn’t save me from having to make my own decisions and tough choices (nothing ever will).
So I guess, I am here to tell you that no matter how hard it is, everything happens for a reason. The breakdowns, the beautiful moments, the negative chatter, and the steps forward or back- they all happen for a reason. For me, I think the reason so far (not that we will always know or ever find out), is for me to realize the power of choice. The power of being able to say ‘No’ to certain thoughts and say 'Yes’ to more positive, self-healing ones. The power to, as a few have told me, “lean into” the bad days, and ride the waves. Tomorrow is a new day; a new day to cheer yourself on and continue believing in yourself.
With a shit ton of encouragement,
All images © Mariah Texidor